little miss cranky pants

this has been the worst of weeks. i've no patience and no understanding...at all. i think that i probably wouldn't have been as short-fused if this wasn't a PMS week, but as luck would have it, it is. sorry for the overshare. :D so, 11pm on monday night, i get a voice message asking me to work on tuesday at the queen anne office. tuesday is normally my day off. i live for tuesdays when i am free to relax and do whatever i can't get done on other days that i'm working. it's the one day where i can rest/relax and recharge. and this last tuesday, it was stolen from me..STOLEN! i'm being dramatic, i know, but i can be whatever i want. it's my blog. ha.

it's not even that i had to work, because someone was really sick, and i would hope for the same kind of back-up for when i'm sick. but, the part that was so anger-inciting was that they didn't even offer to replace my day off with a different day off. I was the one that had initiate and ask to come in later the next day and had to persuade my way to getting this saturday off so i could leave for portland earlier. my expectation was that working on my day off would allow me to have a different day off in the same week. bah.

after work on tuesday, i was supposed to go to 24 hour with pam, but once i got there, i realized that i didn't have my shoes, so i had to go home. at home, i was still really, really ticked, so i went running outside. anyone who knows me understands that i absolutely HATE running outside. so, you can only imagine how ticked i was that day. it did help to get rid of the crankiness since i was just too tired to be mad.

on wednesday, i think the office felt the bad vibes rolling off me. they kept saying to me, "don't go" or "maybe you'll come back." i'm saying this now: even if for some reason, i quit teaching or hate it, i will NOT be coming back to work there...EVER. there's no amount of money that would be worth it. and it's not like i make a whole lot as it is. my new line at work whenever i am asked to deal with repeat difficult/needy patients or anything else that seems to consistently want my time and attention is this: what more do they want?!? a pound of flesh? a pint of blood? a vital organ, perhaps? all my gripes until now have been the usual gripes that people have about working. now, i truly feel exploited. it's all about my own methods of rebellion now. today, i wore flip-flops to work [which aren't allowed]. it was my way of saying "screw the rules." granted, no one of any actual authority was there to witness my subtle rebellion, but i knew it and that was enough.

the working on my day off incident was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. on it's own, during any other week, it probably wouldn't have been as big a deal. but these last few weeks, i've been tired, busy... trying to juggle all these different things and making efforts to hang out with different people, and i finally had enough. i was reading a book about a girl who tells her family and friends that she's into bird watching. she isn't really into bird watching, but it's her cover story so that a few times out of the year, she can "run away" for a short time under the guise of "bird watching." she just takes off for a few days to wherever she feels like. that's what i'd like to do. just take off for a little bit where nobody can reach you and no one makes demands on your time. i'm sure that says something about me, like being selfish, but i'm too tired to think too much about it.

tonight, shiv, garrett, and i [and a bunch of other people] went to the EMP liquid lounge to hear the audio biography play. it was a great way to release the tension built up over the past week and a half. it was fun seeing friends that i don't get to see regularly and to hear the band play. i had a mojito, which i later discovered, thanks to siobhan, was a double. it made me feel all slow and sleepy. they had a good laugh. i totally don't get why people drink in mass quantities.

i'm totally looking forward to taking off to portland for a couple of days. hopefully, i'll get some needed break time and chill out. i'm feeling way too tense.