the last couple of days have been busy...sort of. on tuesday i spent 3 hours wandering around target, purchasing a bunch of little things like sponges, shelf/drawer liners, trash can, etc for my new room. oh...and i bought a new showerhead...but unfortunately, somewhere between the target parking lot and my room, i lost it. so i've spent the last 3 days looking for it when i had time. anywho...we [grace, joe, and the gang] all had dinner at OSF and then played at my new house afterwards - watching american idol. :)

wednesday - easy-going morning/afternoon and bowling fun at leilani lanes in the evening. i was a total homemaker - didn't even break 100! boo. yesterday was filled with more cleaning, only this time helping out the boys of 105. it was funny because when i walked in, i saw a shirtless abe, and as i turned to avoid looking at him, i find shirtless garrett, and as i turn to avoid again, it's shirtless noah. ack. and even funnier is that shiv was in the apt. with 3 half-naked boys. ;) haha... after cleaning, abe and gar used the change machine and got like $30 and treated us to dinner on the ave at the hawaii bbq place. yummy stuff! afterwards, i moved some of abe's stuff over to noah's basement and then headed over to amy's, where we played "pounce" - so much fun!!!

earlier this evening, i went to the mariners game against kansas city. it sucked. kansas city won like 5 to 1. this is only my third mariners game ever, but 2 out of 3 times i've been there they've lost - to not-so-great teams. stinkin'. the best game was my first one...it was amy and june's birthday and the mariners were playing against the texas rangers [april 2001] and it was sort of soon after the whole a-rod/pay-rod thing and the crowd seriously booed a-rod. people even had a whole bunch of paper monopoly-type money that they threw down onto the field. there was some hardcore bitterness/anger/extreme dislike directed toward a-rod. shoot...i know he's getting like millions upon millions of dollars...but if i were him...i think that would still hurt a little inside. :'( [man tear] anywho...that was one crazy game where mariners totally won and a-rod sucked it up big time. yahoo! if only today's game was like that one. *sigh*

i love God's timing. as friends leave, friends come back to visit too. :) like i said earlier, butt-loads of people are moving away, but just in time to cure my blues, grace is back to visit for a week and then i'm off to portland for like a month to play with family and friends. i definitely feel so much better. i think in part because i'm adjusting to all the small changes that my little life has gone through over the last few days. i think my last sad moment was last night when i went to say bye to cora. it was all good, and then she started crying and then i started getting all teary-eyed, and then it was a bit of a mess. i'm super bummed that she won't be around this next year - so cora if you're reading this, i miss you already - my target/best buy/shopping/eating/movie buddy!!! :) i can't wait for you to visit...even if it's not until the end of october. hooray for cell phones, aim, and e-mail!

well, now that grace is back, i finally got to meet her BOYFRIEND joe! he's way cool, and pretty much how i pictured him to be. plus, he totally reminds me of my brother mike...i think it's the height and the eyes...they're small eyes that disappear when smiling - so like my brother. course...he's way more social than my brother...good thing since grace is a social butterfly :) it's so awesome to have her back, even if it's only for a little while.

with everyone off to different places, it makes me wonder about myself. where will i be next year? i have no idea. i suppose i could be staying in seattle...or going home to portland...or heading to a totally new place. i'm not big on change...but i'm sure that's apparent by now - but maybe all these small changes are just helping me prepare for bigger changes later on...

on a totally different note - i'm out of my apartment and moved into my new place! i haven't done the final walk-through with the managers yet, but that's just a small thing. i've been slowly unpacking my stuff and setting up my room to make it comfy and fun. it's crazy...because there is just so much stuff that i've accumulated over the last few years. i can't seem to throw anything away...especially not old old letters, cards, notes, etc. and of course my books, photos, movies...i have a hard time believing that i somehow fit all my junk into a room that is half the size of my new room. i must have seriously maximized my space - something i'll probably never be able to do again. :) unpacking is a hassle, but it's fun at the same time - especially when i come across something like an old photo or letter, which causes me to stop and paw through my box of old photos and letters and lightly reminisce about my not-so-distant childhood. fun fun.

i was feeling blue earlier, and i ended up taking a nap. maybe it was a combination of everyone leaving and being tired from moving and cleaning non-stop over the last week. i'm just exhausted. i'm currently trying to find this game called lemonade, inc for my computer. i played it on my cousin stuart's ipaq and it is so much fun! i'm hoping that it'll cheer me up.

it's sunday afternoon, and my roommate naomi just left. she might stop by later tonight, but tomorrow, she's off to portland. the apartments are emptying out quick. dave moved out yesterday around lunchtime with his Bible study boys. abe's stuff is slowly moving to bellevue. ryan is currently packing up his stuff and hauling it to his condo. garrett is pretty much moved out back home to renton, though there is still pieces of wayward furniture. cora's stuff is all moved to storage at noah's, and everything else is getting dumped on wilbur. :) shiv is already moved into kristie's and spent her first night there already. though i'm glad to be moving into a super cute and comfy house, i'm so going to miss the fun dorm atmosphere that the apartments have been.

i dunno...maybe it's good that i'll be headed home to portland next week. get to leave seattle for a bit and work through the change that moving seems to bring. bah. i don't even know what to do with myself. i suppose i should move the rest of my stuff, like my tv, frig, plastic storage bins, etc... but i just don't feel like dealing with it today. :'(

it's been about a week since my last blog update. it seems like so much has happened. last thursday, the 15th, i left for a jr. high camp, warm beach. i was a counselor to seven 8th and 9th grade girls. prior to leaving, i was afraid that i wouldn't make it back. i had this irrational fear that they were going to be the death of me, but i'm glad i was wrong. the girls were wonderful - it's so strange to think that i was 13/14 once. it's funny because they're not quite children, and definitely nowhere near being adults. so they are exposed to the things in this world, and at the same time, they still have this innocence/child-like quality about them. jr. highers crack me up. :)

we all got back on sunday afternoon, which left only a few hours to prep for the ultimate farewell bash at cbc. ryan made a very funny game called "hallway of shame" an apparent spin off of "wheel of pain." too funny. [pictures will follow soon.] anyway, it was nice to get together, eat food, laugh a lot, and take pictures!

the rest of this past week has been filled with the last week of classes, running errands, being busy, and packing up and moving. it's kind of sad. last night when i went to sleep, and even when i woke up this morning, our apartment still had the furniture in the living room. but when i got back from my finals, it was like we'd been robbed. all the stuff that's been here this past year is gone. it's so strange to look at the emptiness of this place. it's even weirder to watch everybody else move out too. so i joined in the packing up fun and hauled two car loads of stuff over to kristie's place. *sigh* i'm seriously going to miss the people i've lived around for the last year. who knew that in such a short time, relative to how long everyone else has lived near each other, that so many people would have found a spot in my heart. i get the whole "saudades" thing. it's a portuguese word meaning "missing, longing, etc" it's hard to explain, but you know it when you feel it, and i'm starting to feel it.

i know that change is good. but it still makes me sad to see people go. it sort of just hit me that jermaine isn't coming back. she left for california early this morning. i'm sure she'll visit and stuff, but this move is permanent. david's permanent move will probably hit me once he's actually off to foreign soil - canada. jen and naomi are going to portland, but the chances of them coming back is pretty good, plus, it's where home is, so i'm sure i'll get to see them often enough.

basically...i'm feeling a little blue.

so as i mentioned earlier, i've been given a bit of a slap to the head. so like, we all have our dreams and things that we want - things that we think will make us super happy. since i was 8 years old, i've had one dream. now i'm 21, and that one dream is still the thing that i want most in the world. over the last couple of months, God has slowly been showing me some things about my life. it started a little bit before Co-Hi, but it was Co-Hi itself and the aftermath that helped me see what i'd been missing all along. i haven't yet fully let God be more than enough for me. basically, i haven't let him be everything to me. instead, i've got all these other obstructions in the path between me and God and i'm just beginning to realize how i need to clear that out.

so, back to my one big dream. as much as i want that dream, and as much as i believe that it would make me incredibly happy, i'm learning that until i let that go, i can't receive any of the things that are thousands of times better than the small dream that i came up with. it's so hard for me to even fathom something that could be better than my little dream, but there's this knowledge of something greater - once i open up the kung fu death-grip i have on my dream. i was in bed last night, before drifting off to sleep, asking God to help me let go of something i've wanted for the last 13 or so years of my life - and it was one of the harder things i've had to do. [i have issues letting things go, just so you know.]

i heard a friend say that the more in tune you are with God, the things that you want will only be what God wants - so all the things that you used to want for yourself will be replaced by infinitely better things that God desires for your life. in short, all you'll want is what He wants for you. isn't that great? i know i'm not there yet, but i want to be, even if i'm unsure of what to expect of the things that He wants for me. did i mention that i also have trust issues? when i find myself worrying and being consumed by the "what ifs" in the face of the unknown abyss known as my future, i realize that i'm not trusting God with my life. i'm a major work-in-progress. straight up - [under construction]

i eventually got around to studying last night, but not before more time was wasted. :) i watched a segment of the passion one day dvd - with john piper. his message, his words, really hit me. God has been trying to tell me something for such a long time and it all sort of came together in the wee hours of this morning. i'm still mulling it over...

i watched XXX today - no, not a porn movie, but the mindless action fun fest with vin diesel. it was completely ridiculous on many levels, but that's what made it fun to watch. my friend ryan once said to me: "you'd be such a cool boy." hmm. i guess i'm not the typical girl...i love traditionally categorized "guy" movies.

right now, i should be studying for my midterm in the morning. i should've been studying all day instead of playing around and goofing off. yea, i have no desire whatsoever to study or read or go over my notes. i'm thinking that i'm starting to get that thing people call "senioritis" where i just don't want to do anything remotely related to school anymore. oh look, time for a break :)

i almost forgot! i saw this hilarious movie - my big fat greek wedding - over the weekend. it's a must see. yes...it's a bit of a "chick flick" but there were tons of guys in the audience and they were laughing a lot. while i was watching it, i had major empathy for the main character, toula. granted, my family isn't greek, but they're still pretty whacked out [but of course i still love them]. everyone should see this movie...i liked it so much that i'd see it again! :)

i went home to portland this past weekend to celebrate my grandma's 88th birthday [crazy, no?] and also to see my cousins visiting from the east coast [boston and jersey]. my grandma's birthday is always this huge event and all the family flies in, no matter where they are, because this is the only time of the year where all of my mom's side of the family is in one place.

right...so...i go home...and the most frequently asked question by both family and friends is this: "do you have a boyfriend?" followed closely by this: "when are you going to get a boyfriend?" ok...correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm 21...still young, right? and i'm totally going to rant right now because there's something i don't understand. when did not having a boyfriend become something akin to having a disease or disorder? i had one friend ask me this: "when was the last time you liked a guy?" [said in a way that made it seem as if me liking a guy was a totally improbable idea] did i want to smack him? yes. did i actually do it? no - i restrained myself. just because i don't happen to be a "serial dater" or talk about wanting to date, doesn't mean that i have no interest, ya know what i'm saying? a lot of my guy friends seem to think that because i don't talk about guys that i have an interest in, that it automatically means i don't like guys. let me spell it out: i like guys. i just don't find it necessary to tell people when i do - i think it's because the whole deal is that important to me and plus, i'm kind of shy about it [i know...me...shy...go figure]. so, there you have it.

i finally caved in and got myself a blog. i wonder if this will make me less of an anger-ball...with the whole creative outlet blah-blah-blah thing... i suppose that remains to be seen.