ok... i try pretty hard not to get addicted to any one thing, except tv/movies/books/music. :) but i'm starting to see why playing poker (texas hold 'em) is addicting for people. i'm pretty sure i've only played poker with real money about 5 times in my whole life and 3 of those times where during this last week (monday, friday, today/saturday). i'm still jittery from my win. i took home $55 today. but i did lose a total of $15 in buy-ins from the previous two games. i've decided that i can't play anymore. it's way too nervewracking. my palms were all sweaty and my heart was beating too fast. seriously...i'm still wide awake.
this last week of school was interesting. i'm ended my rotation in the 5th grade class and i'm not sure if i prefer lower-elementary or upper. they both have their own pros and cons. i am starting to see more of the difficult things i'll encounter in an urban school setting. in theory, i know that drive-bys and gangs exist in a variety of neighborhoods, but hearing the librarian talk to the 10 year-olds during library time about how they know that gangs and drive-bys exist/happen in their community still surprised me. it's hard because everything in so many ways is outside of my personal reality in terms of how i've grown up and lived my life over the last 25 years. over and over again, i wonder at my ability and capacity to be effective as a teacher in every aspect. it's like being teacher/social worker/parent/advocate/protector all at the same time and i'm feeling inept. i'm hoping this isn't actually true, otherwise my future students are going to suffer...big time, and i would absolutely hate that. they deserve so much better than an inept teacher. *sigh* but according to my team advisor, these feelings are hitting at about the expected time in the program. it's nice to know it's "normal."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I think every teacher's struggle is how to be adequate when so much is demanded of them - educator/ mentor / parent/ social worker/ protector/ etc. I suppose it goes back to that tension of knowing what we can do, and knowing what we can't, but still doing as much as we can when we know that it'll make the difference in the life of a child. Shaping a child's destiny... THE POWER IS OVERWHELMING. haha.
When you come back "home" to visit, we should all play poker. Shiv is good too.
i'm glad you and shiv are going to be teachers too! we can commiserate! i'll be in town in seattle from maybe the 29th/30th of dec to the morning afternoon of the 1st of jan. if y'all are around, let's play. and i don't necessarily mean poker. board games are fun too!
let's all play (board games)!! i'll be in town until the 30th
-g
Post a Comment