so as i mentioned earlier, i've been given a bit of a slap to the head. so like, we all have our dreams and things that we want - things that we think will make us super happy. since i was 8 years old, i've had one dream. now i'm 21, and that one dream is still the thing that i want most in the world. over the last couple of months, God has slowly been showing me some things about my life. it started a little bit before Co-Hi, but it was Co-Hi itself and the aftermath that helped me see what i'd been missing all along. i haven't yet fully let God be more than enough for me. basically, i haven't let him be everything to me. instead, i've got all these other obstructions in the path between me and God and i'm just beginning to realize how i need to clear that out.

so, back to my one big dream. as much as i want that dream, and as much as i believe that it would make me incredibly happy, i'm learning that until i let that go, i can't receive any of the things that are thousands of times better than the small dream that i came up with. it's so hard for me to even fathom something that could be better than my little dream, but there's this knowledge of something greater - once i open up the kung fu death-grip i have on my dream. i was in bed last night, before drifting off to sleep, asking God to help me let go of something i've wanted for the last 13 or so years of my life - and it was one of the harder things i've had to do. [i have issues letting things go, just so you know.]

i heard a friend say that the more in tune you are with God, the things that you want will only be what God wants - so all the things that you used to want for yourself will be replaced by infinitely better things that God desires for your life. in short, all you'll want is what He wants for you. isn't that great? i know i'm not there yet, but i want to be, even if i'm unsure of what to expect of the things that He wants for me. did i mention that i also have trust issues? when i find myself worrying and being consumed by the "what ifs" in the face of the unknown abyss known as my future, i realize that i'm not trusting God with my life. i'm a major work-in-progress. straight up - [under construction]