i just found out that this blog page doesn't look the way it should on certain platforms. so apparently, i should do some fixin' but seeing as i have no idea how, i'll leave it as is for now - sorry wendy and your beautiful titanium g4.

i'm bothered. bothered by what, i do not know - or at least, i can't seem to pin it down. my friend che suggested it might be from a sense of feeling trapped. i haven't given that notion too much thought, but it sounds plausible. but maybe it's also the whole "graduating from college" thing and having everyone and their mom ask what i'll be doing after college. that question irks - only second to the boyfriend question. to my post-grad plans, i can only say that i don't know. logically, questions like that really shouldn't bother me, but maybe it's because it makes me feel like i have to answer to someone...and i just dislike answering to other people. bah. i know part of it is just the toll that 19 credits and 22 hours of work is taking on me. hooray for just 2 more weeks of this torturous quarter - though i'm having serious doubts of making it through...

home, sweet home. baja fresh is to me as donuts are to homer simpson. [drool...ooooghhh]

what's sad is that i can't exactly remember all that has occurred between now and last thursday. it's like one big blur. i know that somewhere in there was class and work, along with watching the new Bond movie [only watch a cheap matinee - it's only worth that much, better yet, watch the 2nd Harry Potter movie and if you've already seen it, watch it again]. i think there was also some dvd marathon and some saturday morning cartoons.

which brings me to today. our IMA volleyball team got trounced - well, maybe that's a bit strong. we got beat, but it wasn't a total slaughter. i'm not too sad, except for the loss of the potential free championship t-shirt and the photo on the wall. it was fun and that's all that i could've asked for.

i'm excitedly counting down the hours now until i can leave seattle for home. if i could, i'd take off for portland right this minute, but alas, i have classes through wednesday. lame. i'm just so looking forward to a little break from school, from the daily routine that is my life. i think everybody needs a few days out of their normal surroundings every few months - just so things can change up a little.

academic countdown:

1 spanish poetry exam

2 IS 310 projects and 1 final

1 spanish culture paper

1 i bus presentation on importing

1 spanish culture presentation on el cine nuevo latinoamericano

1 spanish paper on drama (dramatic works of literature)

1 spanish culture exam

i just got back from the american idol concert - i went with dennis, denise, and romalyn. we went into it knowing that we were going to scream and cheer shamelessly - and it was so much fun! it was fun making commentary throughout. each time one of the idols was done singing, they emphasized how tonight is the last show of their concert tour - and haha...romalyn whispered, "it's the last one for jim...ever." we poked a little bit of fun. i think the one thing that made the whole entire concert worth it was that one of the guys who auditioned [but didn't make it] was there! ok...who remembers the guy who was a bit on the feminine side, who sang [well...more like spoke] christina aguilera's genie in a bottle? the guy that said to the judges, "mold me..." remember? and simon told him, "this is a pen, not a magic wand." yea...that guy! he was there...it was crazy...other people recognized him too and he actually had a bit of a fan club...mostly girls under the age of 12. we relived that whole audition when we saw him.

anyway...naturally, kelly, tamyra, and justin were amazing! the rest of the top 10 did their thing and it was fun. one of the highlights was when the 5 guys busted out with their rendition of 'n sync's "pop" and the 5 girls with en vogue's "free your mind" - way fun. it looked like they were having fun together and at the end, there were tears since this was probably the last night they'll be performing together...and for some of them, it just might actually be their last public performance. it was fun to be a teenybopper again! it reminded me of 'n sync concerts past... :)

oh...and i caved in a bought a "justin" button. i was going for all three [kelly, tamyra, and justin] but they were sold out for the other two. bummer.

"Recognize your potential for self-deception. Acknowledge that your motives are often misguided. We can easily find self-justifying ways of sanctioning our desires to honor, wealth and security. And so for the beginning, then for the middle and then for the end of the peace you feel, ask yourself honest, probing questions regarding motivation. Only then are you being fair to yourself, and only then can you be sure that discernment is truly happening."

Gordon T. Smith - Listening to God in Times of Choice

at my small group the other day, we were discussing how it is that sometimes people [ourselves included] are just so completely unaware of our own selfish motives and general selfishness. i think it would do tons of good if people would just stop and evaluate themselves every so often. that's my two-cents about that.

so today was like the oddest day. i didn't go to sleep until 5am last night...or rather, this morning - i was working on a project and an essay. so of course, i overslept - and it was like deep sleep i was in. apparently siobhan was practically kicking my door down this morning and i didn't even hear until she'd been hitting the door for like 10 minutes. naturally...i was completely confused, and super tired. i ditched work and took the bus to school and as i was walking onto campus at 15th and 43rd [walking up the stairs after you cross 15th], i guess my right foot was too tired to lift itself fully off the ground and i tripped and took a slo-mo dive down to my hands and knees on the concrete. i was too exhausted to be even remotely embarrassed, so i picked myself off the ground and went to class. later, in another class, i was really out of it and totally spacey/sleepy and i dropped my clicky-eraser, and when i bent down to pick it up, i slammed the leftside of my forehead against the chair in front of me. that was slightly more embarrassing because it was loud. oi...what a day.

but, on the bright side, i went to the 5th avenue theater tonight and saw The Full Monty musical [tickets were a birthday present from shiv] with amy nish and it was totally fun! a bit more risqué than i would've imagined for a musical, but the humor was great! it was pretty much the same as the movie, except the people were in buffalo, ny instead of somewhere in england, and the characters burst into song every now and then. the crazy thing was, one of the actors is a guy who used to be on the tv show the commish, which i totally used to watch all the time! strange. and tomorrow, the fun continues with the american idol concert tour! wahoo :)

the end of the quarter is quickly drawing near...and i'm starting to freak out...3 small mini-projects, 2 short papers, 1 long paper, 1 super-duper report/paper, and 2 presentations. doesn't that sounds insane? not to mention...there's still 3 more tests to come. once again...my procrastination has helped me back myself into yet another corner. but on the bright side, i went to work today and had my first performance review - which was a month early, but apparently my bosses/superiors feel i've been doing a stellar job and i got a raise! yay! with the bad...always a good :)

and my schedule that i was all excited about...isn't all that exciting anymore - since i totally screwed it up...there's this one class i need on mon/wed, but now it's all full, and if i take it in spring, it's everyday, rather than 2 hours, twice a week. doh. i'm going to keep checking on the time schedule until somebody drops it. i must have it.

and tomorrow...i get to watch my friend donny get baptized! so awesome! see...something good for the bad [the bad being school work and crappy scheduling] :)

having yesterday off was the best! i got to relax...sort of...but the day seemed to fly by a little too quickly. i love that there's only two more days of classes for this week and then it's the weekend again!!! i'm seriously counting down the days until the end of this quarter. oh the goal of sweet, sweet vacation time!

as of this afternoon, i'm an official spanish major! so exciting! i finally got to register for my classes and it looks like i will only have classes on tuesdays and thursdays, kind of like my summer school schedule, enabling me to get mondays, wednesdays, and fridays off! eee...so exciting - i just hope i don't die on those long tuesday/thursday days. :)

i haven't gone karaoke in such a long time and i went tonight with some friends, after we had a potluck dinner at the house. it was so much fun watching my friends rock out and get super into the songs. [boy band type songs were, of course, popular - they're like a karaoke staple.] we even recorded it on a casette to be used for future wedding day embarrassments for all parties involved. today was just a fun day. this morning at church, a guest pastor, tom youn, came and spoke about ethos, or trustworthiness. he's a funny guy and he had some great points about needing to have authenticity, integrity, and credibility to be effective. church was great...i continued to come up with fun biblical names to give to vernon and melody's baby boy due in february [they're a couple from my church and they're awesome] i thought boaz would be fun, but mel was stuck on the "az" part - too much ammo for other kids to mock in the future. good call on their part. we also have this running joke of the worst biblical names we can think of...stuff like herod, or judas...names you could not want to be known by. :)

i thought over why i've been all grumpy lately. i might be stuck in a rut - where every day is the same. i feel a little like the main character from office space - all about to go ballistic from the monotony of the everyday. it was suggested by a friend that i should try to "be adventurous" since i'm not exactly like that. i've longed to be that kind of adventurous risk-taker, but i can't seem to shed my inner need to always play it safe. i don't think i've ever felt that "freefall" feel of being adventurous or doing something even remotely "wild and crazy" [in my terms of wild and crazy...which isn't even all that wild and crazy]. perhaps i'll work up the nerve to try it sometime soon. maybe if i find a fax machine to demolish, i'll feel better?

i went to my first ever husky football game - and it was fun! we beat oregon state 41-29...i think. anyway...we sat in the east endzone and didn't have the overview of what was going on, but rather the direct-level of the field kind of view. which was cool for when the huskies intercepted a pass and scored a touchdown. there was a phatty dog-pile and the huskies were penalized for excessive celebration, but it was totally worth it. i can't believe i didn't catch onto the fun times of these games earlier in my college career. ah well, there's always alumni tickets and stuff if i stick around seattle next year. oh, and i got a couple of references to being a "soccer mom." i know what a soccer mom is, but i'm not sure how to take that in reference to myself. i think earned the label because i kept having to ask questions about what was going on, and making little comments that apparently only soccer moms make.

i also saw 8 Mile tonight at ghetto oaktree. i liked it - though it moved slowly in parts, and had a whole lotta profane language, and a few completely unnecessary sexual scenes. the underlying story of a guy trying to get beyond his crappy circumstances is pretty interesting, and put that with how it's supposed to be loosely based on eminem's experiences makes it that much more so. even knowing that the movie was probably very loosely based on his experiences in life and the early stages of his career, it totally elicited sympathy from me - shoot, i'd probably be angry to if i had to carry that kind of emotional baggage around.

and once again, i am reminded of the need to practice control over my words...not blurting things out before i've thought it through would be good - plus it would probably keep me out of a lot of trouble. on a totally unrelated topic, i've been feeling all grinch-like with all things "giggly" - like those jr. high kids from last weekend. i'm thinking perhaps i might be a little jaded or something...why else would i feel so snappish when i'm around that type of behavior? oi...i need to mellow out a little.

yay long weekend!!! yippee! i decided to take the extra time and update some photos on my web page here.

"God may indeed seem absent, but in those times when he seems to be elsewhere he is probably nearer than ever. He does not abandon us. And through the times of uncertainty we must remind ourselves that God is eager for us to know and do what is best. He does not toy with us or keep us in the dark for some perverse reason. We must remain confident in this: God loves us and wants our best."

Listening to God in Times of Choice - The Art of Discerning God's Will
Gordon T. Smith

it's sadly easy to forget that God has my best interests at heart. i still have a hard time trying to fathom what could possibly be better than what i perceive to be "best" - yet it exists, and i'm confident that He does love us and want our best. sounds like a simple concept - but hard for people to accept.

i've been leading a small group for aacf for a few weeks now and we're reading through gordan smith's book together and the girls always have these great questions, but they're the kind of questions that have no practical step-by-step concrete answer. i mean...discernment will most likely not come in a large neon sign indicating the direction in which we should go. the thought i always sort of had was that if we're developing our relationship with God and seeking after all that God desires for our lives then that's all that matters - as in things will fall as they should. but unfortunately, people seem to like solid, absolute answers of "tell me exactly how it works." oi.

To all the travelers
Pilgrims longing for a home
From one who walks with you
On this journey called life's road
It is a long and winding road

From one who's seen the view
And dreamt of staying on the mountain high
And one who's cried like you
Wanting so much just to lay down and die
I offer this, we must remember this

We are not home yet
We are not home yet
Keep on looking ahead
Let your heart not forget
We are not home yet
Not home yet

So close your eyes with me
And hear the Father saying, "Welcome home"
Let us find the strength
In all His promises to carry on
He said, "I go prepare a place for you"
So let us not forgot

chorus

I know there'll be a moment
I know there'll be a place
Where we will see our Savior
And fall in His embrace
So let us not grow weary
Or too content to stay
'Cause we are not home yet
We are not home yet
Not home yet
So let us journey on

chorus

Steven Curtis Chapman's "Not Home Yet"

midterms...almost over.

i got some super awesome news today - i got into my spanish major, so after filling out some paper work this week, i'll be an official double degree student, which gives me an excuse to stay in school through spring quarter! yay! i can delay my entrance into the job search market.

we had the warm beach (jr. high camp) post rally earlier this evening - and wow...i don't remember being like those junior high girls. my roommate helen and i were talking about how we must be late bloomers or something since the 13/14 year old kids were all decked out in the "abercrombie & fitch" style and were, for lack of a better term, on the path to becoming future sorority girls of america. us geezer counselors were cringing. the boys were more normal. this is so making me not want to have girls as future children.