"Ever have the feeling that you are the architect of your own unhappiness? It's not that hard, really... in fact, just making no effort to do anything at all is good enough..."

a few weeks ago...i had a rather bleak outlook on my life for the next few years. as i mull over the next 6 months, i have periods in which i hyperventilate and thus, have to consume a piece of chocolate. there's no scientific correlation between chocolate and the curing of panic attacks, but it totally makes me feel better. anyway, i found the above quote, totally stolen from garrett, a incredibly deep and thoughtful dude that is currently cavorting [hahaha...i said you're cavorting - "to bound or prance about in a sprightly manner; to have lively or boisterous fun; romp" muhahaha. definitions courtesy of dictionary.com] in japan, to be filled with truth.

it's not that i didn't realize that much of my worry is of my own creation, of my own unwillingness to sit down and pray through it because i might not like the answer. over the last few weeks, the messages at church and other flashes of wisdom from varying sources (including that quote) have pretty much become a neon sign with arrows pointing to prayer. well, more prayer in general and more specific prayer. also, wendy said that once i no longer have a job, i will be that much more inclined to be actively pursuing other avenues. since i'm "comfortable" now, pulling in a paycheck, my survival instinct hasn't kicked in to full gear, so she says. so...take note, first step forward...

in other news, my friend jessica was in town today, so we went window shopping downtown, looking at all the pretty things we can't buy. there was recently a gilmore girls episode where lorelai and rory did the same thing, but we had more fun than they did.

and...over the weekend, i saw "cidade de deus" aka "city of god," a brazilian film about the lives of the residents in a slum area of rio de janeiro called "city of god." it was intense, violent, sad, and at times, funny. it's based on a true story, and i think that it's probably fairly accurate since at the end, they show a real news clip, and in the movie, they copied it exactly. which goes to show, when other countries make movies that are "based on a true story" they just might mean it with facts and all. whereas in hollywood, "based on a true story" has absolutely no credibility and just for kicks, they sensationalize until it bears no resemblance to anything real.