the neat part about school holidays is that i get to see friends that i haven't seen in forever! at church earlier today, i got to see patty [formerly a husky - now a duck], her boyfriend michael, and our friends tomo and gori. it was nice to catch up, but it was also another reminder that the old group that we hung out with all the time prior to all of us going to college is sorta gone. we've all got our own thing going on now and well, we're just not as close as we all used to be. growing up...a tad bittersweet. and i guess it doesn't help that i suck at keeping in touch with people - with me it's like, out of sight, out of mind. i should definitely make more of an effort to keep in touch with peeps.

eeeee...i'm using wendy's titanium powerbook g4 right now! it's so beautiful...so shiny...and all widescreen action. wow...i would totally get one if i actually needed something like this, but since i honestly have no real use for it... ah well.

i found something fun on the web today. so friends, try this: type in your name and then youaremyfriend.com in your browser's web address line. so, for example: http://bradpitt.youaremyfriend.com - but where it says "bradpitt" you would insert your own name. it's really quite fun. :D

gripe of the day: holiday and post-holiday shoppers and drivers. granted...since i'm out and about at stores too, it makes me one of them, but honestly, don't these people have other places to go?

i'm just trippin' because in times such as these, parking is such a hassle to find...even crappy parking. and for some reason, drivers are suddenly lamer than usual. for example...parking lots with rows of angled parking...it alternates between directions in which you drive - yet i encountered two separate drivers in two separate lanes who were going in the wrong direction, as in driving towards me head-on. i'm starting a new habit...keeping a pad of white paper in the car, along with a big black sharpie - so that i may write "helpful" notes to these sucky drivers - i see this as a community service. :) like...the other day, i was out with my mom and andy, and there was this jeep grand cherokee that was like *this* close to us...i mean supremely close - ridiculously so - and had i had the paper and pen, i could've written something like "i don't think you can get any closer to our car, so would you mind backing off?" i suppose i could just forego the whole note thing and go militant. perhaps a nice bb gun [is that even how it's written...bb? anyway...]

so to combat all the tension created by the whole bad driver encounters thing, i've taken up crocheting and started up with the knitting again. it's quite relaxing and i suggest that everyone try it - boys too [though for you boys, i wouldn't go around declaring "guess what??? i'm knitting!!!" because then people might start to give you funny looks...] plus knitting/crocheting is so much fun! gosh...if only my papasan chair was here at home with me - then it would be perfect! ok...that was my inner granny - i'm better now. but i did get wendy hooked on crochet and now she's like a crocheting machine. chris wanted to learn too, but i think she got distracted by something. :)

so ever since i saw the two towers (for the second time), i've totally been like "i need to know what happens!" [yes *gasp* i have never read tolkien before - no, not even the hobbit, although i saw the cartoon when i was in elementary school - does that count?] so i decided to finally start reading the fatty all-three-books-in-one book that i bought from costco last year after the first movie came out. progress is slow, but it's fun. but sadly, i'm only at the part where frodo has left the shire and encountered the elves on the way to his new house. so in terms of the movie, it's like the first half hour or something. but if you haven't read it, or if you have, but it's been awhile, you should read it! reading is fun and you should all try it. :D

oh yea, and i changed the look of my blog...the whole magenta/pink motif was starting to bug. i was lazy and used a pre-made template instead of making my own and the blue stripey thing is a bit sedate, but it'll do for now - at least until i feel like coding my own background.

gross finding of the day: a plastic to-go container filled with tortilla chips, what might have been a quesadilla, and a side of sauce - all of which was under the passenger seat of my car - and all of which was totally covered in fuzzy green and white mold.

yea...imagine my surprise as i climbed into the backseat of my car [my dad was driving and my mom was up in front] on our way to lunch and my foot bumps into this plastic container. i pick it up and both my brother and i were horrified at what was inside, and it smelled too. it was seriously disgusting. and i have no idea where it came from, but from the looks of it, it had been there for awhile - as in before i got home from break. and i can't seem to remember where it might have been from - but i do know that it's probably not mine since i usually drive my car and am not sitting in the back. thus, my conclusion is that somebody else left it in my car and forgot to take it with them when they exited the vehicle - which is fairly understandable, but still gross. blech.

something that amused me for the better part of 5 minutes: our home phone line has been going all wacky since christmas eve and we've had to call verizon like 3 times for them to fix it and it turns out that whenever the phone line was first installed [i'm thinking like almost 10 years ago], the guy who had stripped the plastic off the wires and stripped off too much and left the wires open to the elements, and plus, he did a crappy job of securing the plastic box in which the wires would be housed. so...as water got in, i guess it kept causing more damage on the line until eventually the dial tone turned into static. so over the last couple of days, whenever people would try to call, they'd just get static - no rings at all. ok...so the technician man fixed it today. while we were out, wendy [my cousin] called my cell and was commenting about how our phone line still doesn't work. i was like...oh...but the guy fixed it today. so i asked her if it rang [versus just static like before] and she said yes, that it just kept ringing and no one picked up. i was like...er...that's because no one's home. :) i had a good laugh - and now wendy will probably beat me down. haha...i went to dinner with her and che and i was telling che and we had another good laugh. :D [wendy sort of glared at us.]

and an end to a fun day - a second viewing of the two towers! yay! fun fun! again...maximus...so done. it's all about aragorn and legolas.

i found the following on some person's blog... [note: it has been edited for content]

LEARN KOREAN IN 5 MINUTES

1) That's not right..............................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive..................Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man....................................Dum Gai
5) Small Horse...................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach.......................Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table.....................Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift..................Chin Tu Fat
9) It's Very dark in here........................Wao So Dim

10) I Thought you were on a diet..................Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone.......................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week........Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight..........................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...................Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great.........................................*edited word* Su Pah
17 ) England will win the World Cup................No *edited word* Wai
18 ) Whos been eating all the pies?................Yo Fat Wan Ka

and not to be all picky...but...so not korean. if anything...way more chinese sounding...can't you just picture an old chinese lady, very possibly somebody's mom or grandma? :)

anywho...the extended family feasted in chinatown, at golden horse...which ends up being the place we go to for all major holidays now, apparently. but it was good. our cousin jeff got a new digital camcorder and we had some fun with that. on a side note, he's growing his hair out, just for kicks i guess, but he looks just like harry potter - well, just like harry potter if harry potter were chinese, without glasses, 6-feet tall, weighed somewhere in the vicinity of 200 lbs and had conan o'brien's type of humor. :)

merry christmas to all!

in the wacky tradition in which my family does the untraditional, for christmas eve, jenny, jenny's friend sarah, chris, james, wendy, and i caught a movie...two weeks notice, which was funny - because sandra bullock is funny and hugh grant is funny. so, with the two of them together in one movie, makes for a very funny and enjoyable movie. hooray for romantic comedies that feed us more preposterous notions about relationships. one of these days, i'm really going to wake up and enter the real world - but not quite yet.

after the two hours of the fantasyland that is the movie-world, we ate random foods - which included iver's clam chowder and leftover noodles. this has the strong potential to sound sad, but it actually isn't - not so much anyway. every christmas eve for at least the last 7/8 years has been spent in random ways. when we were kids in youth group, a bunch of friends - the ol' jibc crew and friends - would congregate at chris and wendy's and just goof off until it was time to go home. we were the kids whose parents were working at the restaurant, or busy with church events, or busy hosting way too many people at their own house. it was actually tons of fun. the last couple of years have involved movie watching and then scrounging for food. but it's all good, because christmas day dinner is the big thing. the whole extended fam goes out to chinatown and we grub - i think maybe one year we did a potluck...oh wait...i think that was one thanksgiving 3 years ago...nevermind. anyway, anytime the extended family gets together for dinner it's fun, well, mostly fun, especially if the uncles and stuff get a bit sloshed...but it's more funny just because they're usually so proper. :)

and my little brother andy gets back from florida tomorrow - he went with his wrestling team - which i've been banned from making comments about. he doesn't appreciate when i make totally innocent comments about his little outfit...er...spandex uniform. but come on...he couldn't pick a different sport? one where there isn't a fear of getting ringworm and other weird fungi diseases? eh, i hope he got me a present from the magic kingdom :)

it's a little odd being home...but only because most of my time for the last 4 years has been spent in seattle. so when i'm here, i don't exactly have a "home" church, which means i just end up going to whichever church happens to strike my fancy. for christmas sunday, i went to antioch christian fellowship, out in tigard [that's in oregon]. it was nice - it wasn't exactly a traditional "christmas-y" message, but it was good anyway because it was about blessings and being a blessing to others. funny thing is that's two weeks in a row i've heard a message about blessings and such. last week a speaker at our church, rob schwartz, spoke about blessing and even used the same passage from the first few verses of genesis 12. interesting. afterwards, i dropped in a youth kids christmas party - which was a lot of fun, but that's mostly because these kids are just funny. we played guesstures and it was girls vs. boys - obviously the girls won. :) then there was the white elephant gift exchange - which was fun too.

today was much less eventful - a stop to costco to get my brand-spanking new tires onto my car and shopping with my dad for restaurant supplies - i think the checkout guy was horrified by the mass amounts of rice my dad bought. there was a brief stop at old navy - to help shop for a gift for project angel tree - a program that gets gifts for children whose parents are in prison, and some dinner with my parents.

it's very odd...christmas is in two days...yet it just doesn't feel like it's christmas time yet. i can't quite figure out why. maybe i should get off the computer and reflect on that for a bit. :)

...

wow...though it's been just a little over a week between blogs, it feels like much longer. in the last week - i still got no rest...busy...working, shopping, working, shopping, going to christmas parties... the plan for my vacation is to sleep as late as i can without dipping into extreme laziness, so in essence, sleeping till about noon everyday sounds good. :) it's been a fun week despite the lack the sleep.

the two towers added to my lack of sleep, but it was so worth it...so much fun and enjoyment! aragorn and legolas...enough said. i can't wait to go and see it again. and because i seriously lack any sort of patience, i'm going to read the trilogy while i'm at home...because i need to know how it ends and i can't wait another year until the third movie comes out!

i left for portland and i got home earlier this afternoon...after an extremely inefficient drive home. detour was the key word of the day. i guess being tired really doesn't help, since i kept missing the turn-offs and exits that i needed to take. but 6 hours later, after stops at krispy kremes and an ill-fated search for an alternate route to ikea - i made it home. yay! and then after getting all cleaned up, hitched a ride to a christmas party down in west linn. it was fun, with lots of good food, and very random company. my old roommates were there, and other friends who are back from school or wherever they moved to. and the hosts even prepared party games - with a fear factor type round, which involved caroling to ja hye's parents (who are korean and choir directors no less) to guessing a food purely by it's texture (it was tripe - good job mark!)

and...there are always those kinda funny things that happen at parties, like people... and their quirks...hehe.

double hooray for me again! my last presentation kicked booty. my group and i went down to airborne express headquarters, down near the space needle, and had our presentation in their executive board room - where we presented to our client, our prof, and some airborne people. it was awesome! we were totally smooth and poised, and fielded questions expertly. yay! i'm one step away from total freedom...at least for 3 weeks, until winter quarter starts. i just have to finish the report for the presentation we did today. and then i'm done with my last autumn quarter of undergraduate studies ever!!!

hooray for me! my spanish presentation was grr-eat! apparently i still had some leftover animosity that got translated into revved up energy. my classmates told me my presentation rocked - of course i think that their sympathy for the disaster on monday helped. :) so i've got tomorrow left and a paper to write over the weekend. i've definitely noticed that mood has been significantly more cheery with each thing that i finish and don't have to think about anymore.

and of course, there is always that good ol' remedy of retail therapy. yea, i said it. retail therapy. on my way home from the bus stop drop-off, i passed by gotrocks - a semi-new agey store full of rocks, stones, and jewelry, etc. and the pendant that i've been eyeing since before thanksgiving was just sitting in the window - begging me to buy it. it was my christmas present to myself! yay! so pretty...peridot, pink tourmaline, and blue tourmaline set in sterling silver on a black leather cord... fun fun!

academic countdown:

El nuevo cine latinoamericano Presentation

Take-Home Final Essay for Span 322 [Cultural Studies]

IS 310 Final Exam

I BUS: Importing - Company Presentation

I BUS: Importing - Company Report [8 pages single-spaced

and then it's FREEEEE-DOMMMMMM! [think william wallace - though in no way demeaning the historical and cultural significance of their real fight for freedom of the scottish against the english]

it's my blog...and i'll whine and complain if i want to...

i think today could easily be one of the worst days i've experienced in a long time. i had a presentation in my spanish class scheduled for today and i spent forever working on it and researching it - granted it was forever last night - until 6:30am this morning. [i think some of my best work is done under this kind of pressure.] anyway, so i only had two hours of sleep and all day long i've been building up my confidence to do this presentation - which was only difficult because it's in spanish and we have so many great spanish speakers in class who are mass intimidating. anywho...i skipped lunch too because i was so nervous and didn't want to take any chances.

ok, so my 1:30pm, i'm extremely tired, starving, and moody because i'm feeling all PMS-y [i'm sure nobody really cared to know that - but i'm on a rampage...] and there's like 4 people ahead of me who have to present - and each presentation is to be 10 minutes max. this is a two-hour class with a 10 minute break between hours. so...doing the math, all five of us should be able to finish with plenty of time leftover. during the first hour, three people did theirs and then we took a break. at the start of the second hour, this guy went up to do his presentation, which he made sound like it was too short because he mentioned he had a video that was two minutes long. so...he gets up there...and he start his presentation...10 minutes later, he's still going, and 10 minutes after that, still going. at this point, there's like 25 minutes of class left - still enough time for me. yea...like 35 minutes after he started, he finishes up and there's like 11 minutes left of class and i'm thinking, i can totally do my presentation in that amount of time...but no. he pops in his video and at this point i'm thinking...ok...two minute video...i can still finish mine in 9 minutes [with the whole fast talking thing].

yea...the video clip ran for 10 minutes, and then class was over. i was livid. i wanted to jump up onto the table and taking a flying body tackle at this guy and beat him to the ground until he cried. i know...violence is never the answer...but i was that upset [given my lack of sleep, food, and pms - not to mention the anticipation and nerves i'd had to deal with all day long - which i'll have to repeat on wednesday.] i mean...fury was oozing from every fiber of my being. this was supposed to be one more thing that i could cross of my list and not deal with and i was just a bit crazed that i didn't get to stop worrying about it. well, 15 minutes after class, all my anger evaporated and i was just annoyed. i think i can say a big thanks to God for the quick simmerin' down of the crazy mad. so...what i'm left with is resignation that i'm going on wednesday. *sigh*

academic countdown:

Bodas de sangre Essay - el teatro contra el baile contra el cine

IS 310 Web Services Presentation

IS 310 XML Homework

El nuevo cine latinoamericano Presentation

Take-Home Final Essay for Span 322 [Cultural Studies]

IS 310 Final Exam

I BUS: Importing - Company Presentation

I BUS: Importing - Company Report [8 pages single-spaced]

all of this...by thursday. it's a big lame. and now that i've whined and complained for all the world - or whoever actually skims this - i'm going to find a happy thought that hold onto that for awhile.

i just found out that this blog page doesn't look the way it should on certain platforms. so apparently, i should do some fixin' but seeing as i have no idea how, i'll leave it as is for now - sorry wendy and your beautiful titanium g4.

i'm bothered. bothered by what, i do not know - or at least, i can't seem to pin it down. my friend che suggested it might be from a sense of feeling trapped. i haven't given that notion too much thought, but it sounds plausible. but maybe it's also the whole "graduating from college" thing and having everyone and their mom ask what i'll be doing after college. that question irks - only second to the boyfriend question. to my post-grad plans, i can only say that i don't know. logically, questions like that really shouldn't bother me, but maybe it's because it makes me feel like i have to answer to someone...and i just dislike answering to other people. bah. i know part of it is just the toll that 19 credits and 22 hours of work is taking on me. hooray for just 2 more weeks of this torturous quarter - though i'm having serious doubts of making it through...

home, sweet home. baja fresh is to me as donuts are to homer simpson. [drool...ooooghhh]

what's sad is that i can't exactly remember all that has occurred between now and last thursday. it's like one big blur. i know that somewhere in there was class and work, along with watching the new Bond movie [only watch a cheap matinee - it's only worth that much, better yet, watch the 2nd Harry Potter movie and if you've already seen it, watch it again]. i think there was also some dvd marathon and some saturday morning cartoons.

which brings me to today. our IMA volleyball team got trounced - well, maybe that's a bit strong. we got beat, but it wasn't a total slaughter. i'm not too sad, except for the loss of the potential free championship t-shirt and the photo on the wall. it was fun and that's all that i could've asked for.

i'm excitedly counting down the hours now until i can leave seattle for home. if i could, i'd take off for portland right this minute, but alas, i have classes through wednesday. lame. i'm just so looking forward to a little break from school, from the daily routine that is my life. i think everybody needs a few days out of their normal surroundings every few months - just so things can change up a little.

academic countdown:

1 spanish poetry exam

2 IS 310 projects and 1 final

1 spanish culture paper

1 i bus presentation on importing

1 spanish culture presentation on el cine nuevo latinoamericano

1 spanish paper on drama (dramatic works of literature)

1 spanish culture exam

i just got back from the american idol concert - i went with dennis, denise, and romalyn. we went into it knowing that we were going to scream and cheer shamelessly - and it was so much fun! it was fun making commentary throughout. each time one of the idols was done singing, they emphasized how tonight is the last show of their concert tour - and haha...romalyn whispered, "it's the last one for jim...ever." we poked a little bit of fun. i think the one thing that made the whole entire concert worth it was that one of the guys who auditioned [but didn't make it] was there! ok...who remembers the guy who was a bit on the feminine side, who sang [well...more like spoke] christina aguilera's genie in a bottle? the guy that said to the judges, "mold me..." remember? and simon told him, "this is a pen, not a magic wand." yea...that guy! he was there...it was crazy...other people recognized him too and he actually had a bit of a fan club...mostly girls under the age of 12. we relived that whole audition when we saw him.

anyway...naturally, kelly, tamyra, and justin were amazing! the rest of the top 10 did their thing and it was fun. one of the highlights was when the 5 guys busted out with their rendition of 'n sync's "pop" and the 5 girls with en vogue's "free your mind" - way fun. it looked like they were having fun together and at the end, there were tears since this was probably the last night they'll be performing together...and for some of them, it just might actually be their last public performance. it was fun to be a teenybopper again! it reminded me of 'n sync concerts past... :)

oh...and i caved in a bought a "justin" button. i was going for all three [kelly, tamyra, and justin] but they were sold out for the other two. bummer.

"Recognize your potential for self-deception. Acknowledge that your motives are often misguided. We can easily find self-justifying ways of sanctioning our desires to honor, wealth and security. And so for the beginning, then for the middle and then for the end of the peace you feel, ask yourself honest, probing questions regarding motivation. Only then are you being fair to yourself, and only then can you be sure that discernment is truly happening."

Gordon T. Smith - Listening to God in Times of Choice

at my small group the other day, we were discussing how it is that sometimes people [ourselves included] are just so completely unaware of our own selfish motives and general selfishness. i think it would do tons of good if people would just stop and evaluate themselves every so often. that's my two-cents about that.

so today was like the oddest day. i didn't go to sleep until 5am last night...or rather, this morning - i was working on a project and an essay. so of course, i overslept - and it was like deep sleep i was in. apparently siobhan was practically kicking my door down this morning and i didn't even hear until she'd been hitting the door for like 10 minutes. naturally...i was completely confused, and super tired. i ditched work and took the bus to school and as i was walking onto campus at 15th and 43rd [walking up the stairs after you cross 15th], i guess my right foot was too tired to lift itself fully off the ground and i tripped and took a slo-mo dive down to my hands and knees on the concrete. i was too exhausted to be even remotely embarrassed, so i picked myself off the ground and went to class. later, in another class, i was really out of it and totally spacey/sleepy and i dropped my clicky-eraser, and when i bent down to pick it up, i slammed the leftside of my forehead against the chair in front of me. that was slightly more embarrassing because it was loud. oi...what a day.

but, on the bright side, i went to the 5th avenue theater tonight and saw The Full Monty musical [tickets were a birthday present from shiv] with amy nish and it was totally fun! a bit more risqué than i would've imagined for a musical, but the humor was great! it was pretty much the same as the movie, except the people were in buffalo, ny instead of somewhere in england, and the characters burst into song every now and then. the crazy thing was, one of the actors is a guy who used to be on the tv show the commish, which i totally used to watch all the time! strange. and tomorrow, the fun continues with the american idol concert tour! wahoo :)

the end of the quarter is quickly drawing near...and i'm starting to freak out...3 small mini-projects, 2 short papers, 1 long paper, 1 super-duper report/paper, and 2 presentations. doesn't that sounds insane? not to mention...there's still 3 more tests to come. once again...my procrastination has helped me back myself into yet another corner. but on the bright side, i went to work today and had my first performance review - which was a month early, but apparently my bosses/superiors feel i've been doing a stellar job and i got a raise! yay! with the bad...always a good :)

and my schedule that i was all excited about...isn't all that exciting anymore - since i totally screwed it up...there's this one class i need on mon/wed, but now it's all full, and if i take it in spring, it's everyday, rather than 2 hours, twice a week. doh. i'm going to keep checking on the time schedule until somebody drops it. i must have it.

and tomorrow...i get to watch my friend donny get baptized! so awesome! see...something good for the bad [the bad being school work and crappy scheduling] :)

having yesterday off was the best! i got to relax...sort of...but the day seemed to fly by a little too quickly. i love that there's only two more days of classes for this week and then it's the weekend again!!! i'm seriously counting down the days until the end of this quarter. oh the goal of sweet, sweet vacation time!

as of this afternoon, i'm an official spanish major! so exciting! i finally got to register for my classes and it looks like i will only have classes on tuesdays and thursdays, kind of like my summer school schedule, enabling me to get mondays, wednesdays, and fridays off! eee...so exciting - i just hope i don't die on those long tuesday/thursday days. :)

i haven't gone karaoke in such a long time and i went tonight with some friends, after we had a potluck dinner at the house. it was so much fun watching my friends rock out and get super into the songs. [boy band type songs were, of course, popular - they're like a karaoke staple.] we even recorded it on a casette to be used for future wedding day embarrassments for all parties involved. today was just a fun day. this morning at church, a guest pastor, tom youn, came and spoke about ethos, or trustworthiness. he's a funny guy and he had some great points about needing to have authenticity, integrity, and credibility to be effective. church was great...i continued to come up with fun biblical names to give to vernon and melody's baby boy due in february [they're a couple from my church and they're awesome] i thought boaz would be fun, but mel was stuck on the "az" part - too much ammo for other kids to mock in the future. good call on their part. we also have this running joke of the worst biblical names we can think of...stuff like herod, or judas...names you could not want to be known by. :)

i thought over why i've been all grumpy lately. i might be stuck in a rut - where every day is the same. i feel a little like the main character from office space - all about to go ballistic from the monotony of the everyday. it was suggested by a friend that i should try to "be adventurous" since i'm not exactly like that. i've longed to be that kind of adventurous risk-taker, but i can't seem to shed my inner need to always play it safe. i don't think i've ever felt that "freefall" feel of being adventurous or doing something even remotely "wild and crazy" [in my terms of wild and crazy...which isn't even all that wild and crazy]. perhaps i'll work up the nerve to try it sometime soon. maybe if i find a fax machine to demolish, i'll feel better?

i went to my first ever husky football game - and it was fun! we beat oregon state 41-29...i think. anyway...we sat in the east endzone and didn't have the overview of what was going on, but rather the direct-level of the field kind of view. which was cool for when the huskies intercepted a pass and scored a touchdown. there was a phatty dog-pile and the huskies were penalized for excessive celebration, but it was totally worth it. i can't believe i didn't catch onto the fun times of these games earlier in my college career. ah well, there's always alumni tickets and stuff if i stick around seattle next year. oh, and i got a couple of references to being a "soccer mom." i know what a soccer mom is, but i'm not sure how to take that in reference to myself. i think earned the label because i kept having to ask questions about what was going on, and making little comments that apparently only soccer moms make.

i also saw 8 Mile tonight at ghetto oaktree. i liked it - though it moved slowly in parts, and had a whole lotta profane language, and a few completely unnecessary sexual scenes. the underlying story of a guy trying to get beyond his crappy circumstances is pretty interesting, and put that with how it's supposed to be loosely based on eminem's experiences makes it that much more so. even knowing that the movie was probably very loosely based on his experiences in life and the early stages of his career, it totally elicited sympathy from me - shoot, i'd probably be angry to if i had to carry that kind of emotional baggage around.

and once again, i am reminded of the need to practice control over my words...not blurting things out before i've thought it through would be good - plus it would probably keep me out of a lot of trouble. on a totally unrelated topic, i've been feeling all grinch-like with all things "giggly" - like those jr. high kids from last weekend. i'm thinking perhaps i might be a little jaded or something...why else would i feel so snappish when i'm around that type of behavior? oi...i need to mellow out a little.

yay long weekend!!! yippee! i decided to take the extra time and update some photos on my web page here.

"God may indeed seem absent, but in those times when he seems to be elsewhere he is probably nearer than ever. He does not abandon us. And through the times of uncertainty we must remind ourselves that God is eager for us to know and do what is best. He does not toy with us or keep us in the dark for some perverse reason. We must remain confident in this: God loves us and wants our best."

Listening to God in Times of Choice - The Art of Discerning God's Will
Gordon T. Smith

it's sadly easy to forget that God has my best interests at heart. i still have a hard time trying to fathom what could possibly be better than what i perceive to be "best" - yet it exists, and i'm confident that He does love us and want our best. sounds like a simple concept - but hard for people to accept.

i've been leading a small group for aacf for a few weeks now and we're reading through gordan smith's book together and the girls always have these great questions, but they're the kind of questions that have no practical step-by-step concrete answer. i mean...discernment will most likely not come in a large neon sign indicating the direction in which we should go. the thought i always sort of had was that if we're developing our relationship with God and seeking after all that God desires for our lives then that's all that matters - as in things will fall as they should. but unfortunately, people seem to like solid, absolute answers of "tell me exactly how it works." oi.

To all the travelers
Pilgrims longing for a home
From one who walks with you
On this journey called life's road
It is a long and winding road

From one who's seen the view
And dreamt of staying on the mountain high
And one who's cried like you
Wanting so much just to lay down and die
I offer this, we must remember this

We are not home yet
We are not home yet
Keep on looking ahead
Let your heart not forget
We are not home yet
Not home yet

So close your eyes with me
And hear the Father saying, "Welcome home"
Let us find the strength
In all His promises to carry on
He said, "I go prepare a place for you"
So let us not forgot

chorus

I know there'll be a moment
I know there'll be a place
Where we will see our Savior
And fall in His embrace
So let us not grow weary
Or too content to stay
'Cause we are not home yet
We are not home yet
Not home yet
So let us journey on

chorus

Steven Curtis Chapman's "Not Home Yet"

midterms...almost over.

i got some super awesome news today - i got into my spanish major, so after filling out some paper work this week, i'll be an official double degree student, which gives me an excuse to stay in school through spring quarter! yay! i can delay my entrance into the job search market.

we had the warm beach (jr. high camp) post rally earlier this evening - and wow...i don't remember being like those junior high girls. my roommate helen and i were talking about how we must be late bloomers or something since the 13/14 year old kids were all decked out in the "abercrombie & fitch" style and were, for lack of a better term, on the path to becoming future sorority girls of america. us geezer counselors were cringing. the boys were more normal. this is so making me not want to have girls as future children.

i treated myself to a papasan chair and ottoman - wait...is it still an ottoman when it's not one of those that go with the nice couches? anywho...i've wanted a papasan since i was a kid and saw one at my cousin's house in jersey. they're the most comfortable thing! yay yay! so i finally gave in and treated myself since i'm working more now and taking 18 credits. i felt i deserved a present. :) now...i can read, knit, nap, watch movies/tv, listen to music, and think...all in the chair. so awesome. it's a nice "natural" wood color - meaning not the cherry wood (dark) color and the cushion is a nice olive green. it's so lovely. *happy sigh*

oh, and i took the bus to school this morning and it took about 25 minutes and i got to read on the bus. i've discovered that i rather enjoy taking the bus and not driving, even if it does take twice as long. i think it's because i get to read or just relax and not get all worked up about fighting through traffic. it's rather calming.

i forgot to mention how "chinese" i was at the wedding/reception. after everything was over, erming allowed us to raid the table decorations, so annie, jeanette, joyce, and i took home a bunch of peach and cream roses and gerber daisy arrangements! wahoo for free stuff - especially gerber daisies - because they're like the happiest flowers on earth! hooray for gerber daisies! and the wedding favors were cool too, magnets with photos of james and joana on them, as if they were color film negatives. and for being wedding helpers, they gave us presents. yay!

weekends pass by so fast. i went to james and joana's [people from my church] wedding today and it was so much fun. everything about the wedding reflected so much of who they are. instead of a traditional wedding processional, the bride walked down the aisle to the "going to the chapel, and we're gonna get married" song. so awesome. the actual ceremony was like 20 minutes max - quick and to the point. they had a jazz trio play for a bit and also friends and family who sang. james' brother and friend sang At Last - the etta james song. it was way cool as that is a current favorite. the slide show was great and had fun music - the grease medley summer nights, greased lightning, and that "you'd better shape up" song. it's one of the funnest weddings i've been to because it was so different and unique to their personalities. afterwards, since we all were dressed up and pretty, we went to have dessert at the georgian room at the four seasons hotel downtown - it was posh and swank as expected, and i felt totally out of place - way too sophisticated for me.

now i have to wash the styling lotion crap out of my hair... oh yea...so earlier today, in an effort to fit in all pretty at the wedding, i decided to curl my hair... yea...i suck at the primping and styling. for awhile, it was looking like i was electrocuted. good thing water calmed it down. i think that there should be like a crash course lesson or something for girls, like "how to..." and fill in the blank with stuff like ...to apply makeup or ...style your hair or ...dress well. of course...not all girls need such help, just a few of us.

praise the Lord for daylight savings and an extra hour of sleep!

yay yay...almost the end of another week of school. i should be hearing about my status as a spanish major [either i'm in or not] in a week or so. i'm looking forward to the end of tomorrow so i can rest for a bit...before having to start the week all over again. i think i would seriously enjoy school so much more if homework, test, and class participation didn't exist. i like going to class to listen and soak up information. eh.

i was at aacf earlier tonight and pastor jonathan from jpc shared some words about passion and purpose. it was really cool and i'm really glad that i woke up from my nap to go. it's nice to be reminded that every life has a purpose and that even though we may not know or be able to see what it is right now, it's there - waiting for us to catch up. he listed some examples of Biblical people who were great examples of people who lived with purpose and passion. i list those later. for now, i need to sleep because my eyes have gone all buggy-weird from staring at this screen too long as i wrote my paper - in spanish no less.

it turns out that expressing my thoughts through my blog outlet in conjunction with sharing things with people has a peaceful effect. peaceful in the sense that some stuff that was annoying me, is no longer that annoying.

in other news, my cartilage piercing looks like it's getting infected and swollen, which is a bummer considering i was seriously thinking about getting a new one under that one. boo. i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

and, i feel like i'm finally settling into a groove for my school-work-ministry-play-sleep pattern. routine in this sense is so nice to have - because constant chaos takes its toll.

fear of emotional proximity/intimacy. if one has such a fear, it pretty much prevents all others from moving beyond a certain point - in terms of the depth of the friendship/relationship. it's surprisingly easy to keep people at a distance and to maybe even fool them into thinking that they've moved past that invisible wall that one has built. then maybe the only one being fooled is the one with the wall.

i was sitting in church today listening to the message. and the thought of "no man is an island" came to me. it occurred to me that i've tried to be that island - whether it was intentional, i'm not quite sure. in the last few crazy and busy weeks - i've gotten to do some thinking. i feel like i'm at a crossroads. i've gotten as far as i'm ever going to get with God - unless i can truly let the rest of that wall be broken down. i think i've kidded myself into thinking that it was a non-issue, that wall, but of course...duh...it's like the biggest issue in my life. it's easier on the heart to just keep it locked away and hidden, because then all the bad things would never get to it. of course that also prevents all the good things too. there was some movie that i watched - something with two characters having a dialogue - one person said - "i'd rather feel pain, than nothing at all" - or something like that - but it was an accusation about the other person, but i guess it might as well have been me. hmmph.

on a whole other note - in keeping with my attempts of using humor to buffer all that is serious - i saw the transporter again and i decided that i'm totally marrying ex-military/spy/guy who can beat people up and save the world all in one day. let me add that he has to be a God-loving and God-fearing man in the first place and then the neato action hero stuff second. oh, and the movie was unintentionally funny and totally enjoyable - at least i think it is. fun stuff.

ahora, estoy cansada. esta mañana, yo fui a mi trabajo que pasó un poco mal porque yo sólo hice tareas poco inteligentes. después, yo fui a bell. square con mi amiga para ir de compras - pero nosotras no compramos nada. yo vi una película - del género comedia romántico - y yo pensaba en esta cuestión: ¿es posible que ser una persona cínica y agotada y al mismo tiempo, ser una persona que tiene la esperanza para todas las cosas buenas?

ay...el drama de la vida...

anoche, algunos amigos llegaron a nuestro casa para pasar el tiempo con juegos como tribond. por eso, yo echo de menos los días, recuerdos y la comunidad de los apartamentos del año pasado. pero, me gusta mucho el lugar que yo vivo ahora porque hay muchos oportunidades de hablar con ellas [mis amigas y compañeras de habitación] al final del día, como esta noche. fue muy divertida de hablar y bromear con ellas.

bah! i'm hating CISB with a vengeance right now. stupid track meetings every week. boo. ok, i'm just bitter because i had a chance to see the ring for free at the hub tonight except that my track meeting didn't end until 30 minutes after the movie started and by then the doors were closed. i'm just mad because it was a free movie that looked scary and interesting, and now all the people who probably would've paid to see will have already seen it and i'll just have to wait for it on video. what a suck. and all we did at the meeting was introduce ourselves in spanish, which isn't vital or anything. bah. and a "bitter person" sounds better in spanish - amargada - it sounds less bitter or something.

wendy just showed me a smurf name generator...haha. i'm "pimpin' smurf" or "stoolie smurf" - depending on whether i went with steph or stephenie. interesting. try it. smurf name generator

i had a volleyball game yesterday and i hadn't played since winter quarter last year. my arms are totally sore - like so sore that i had trouble gripping my pencil. i'd like to think that it's only because my forearm took a bruising digging from the backrow, but i think it's just because my muscles have been little used.

As Stephenie you are rather serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You have the gift of tact and diplomacy, and possess a charming, easy-going nature which endears you to others. You have a serious desire to understand the heart and mind of everyone, and could be very effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. This name also gives you a love of home and family, and as a parent you would likely be fair and understanding. You remember the thoughtful little expressions of affection and appreciation that mean so much to others, and you have the ability to create a warm and loving environment. However, you tend to put things off and avoid facing issues because of a lack of confidence and uncertainty. You often need encouragement from someone before you can come to a decision. This name creates a generally well-balanced and healthy nature, but any weakness in the health would cause problems in the fluid functions, such as kidney or bladder trouble, overweight, or swelling of the legs and ankles.


eh...i finally caved after shiv said her name "analysis" had some insights. i have to disagree with having the "gift of tact and diplomacy" but the stuff in bold is pretty on target. and the health thing...like i didn't have a complex already.

anyway...what i've learned in school over the last week:

• the spanish word for handcuffs is "las esposas" - incidentally, the word for wife is "la esposa." boo.
  
• the US is the only country that uses a 12-digit barcode - everyone else uses 13. big surprise with the whole non-conforming thing. did someone say metric system?
  
• people little knowledge of the creation story found in the Bible [Genesis]. sad.
  

on a different note, kristie invited some peeps [much of the ol' maplewood gang] to celebrate my belated birthday at tacos guaymas - i had a sangria...and i have to say...i'd prefer more juice and less alcohol - which i suppose would defeat the purpose of it being all red wine and stuff. eh. anywho...it was fun. then we all watched alias back at the house with mud pie as dessert! yum! oh, and i found out this morning that noah ditched caleb's birthday dinner for hanging out with us - probably because he rarely sees us - 'cept abe since they're roommies :) [sorry caleb...tanks noah]

oh...and ryan and dennis got me a care bear...with their own modifications to the packaging. it was friend bear, but everytime it said "friend" on the packaging, they'd changed it to read "boyfriend" - which was pretty hilarious. i think i'll leave it in the box for a bit. now i need to finish homework...but maybe i'll sneak in an ice cream break :)

i was working on a homework assignment earlier and was browsing the internet people pages and i stumbled across a site - us search or something like that. anyway...you can search for information on people so i searched using my name just to see what kind of information is floating out there in cyberspace about me. and i actually found myself. for $9.95 i can find basic info, and for like $59.95, i can get a report of all the places i've ever lived and apparently, my roommates and possible neighbors. it's kind of creepy. like...people can just buy information about other people. so wrong - it's like practically advertising identity theft...or at least aiding stalkers. ok...i'm paranoid but i think i have good reason to be.

reflection of the day: maybe hermits have the right idea afterall.

grr...i had just typed out this long thing...and now it's disappeared...this stinks.

anywho...in the midst of my hectic first week of classes, i forgot to share my big revelation - i am toula [from my big fat greek wedding] except i'm not greek and i'm not 30+ years old. aside from those differences - it sort of fits. anyway...i was talking to my mom on the phone last wednesday when it happened and if i was a third party watching this converation take place, i would've been rollin' with the laughter because it was hilarious - it just would've been funnier had it not been my experience. witness the following evidence:

• my parents think i'm doomed to not marry [but seriously...i'm only 22 and they make it sound like i'm like 80 or something]
  
• i have relatives harrassing me - my aunt and grandma [on my dad's side] keep trying to sell me off to people - they're all pimp-like...ok...it's not that bad and i totally exaggerate...but i'm just mad because they won't take "NO/NOT INTERESTED" for an answer
  
• my parents and all relatives want me to marry - not a greek boy - but a nice chinese boy [and "nice" means massive earning potential in their eyes]
  
• my parents are totally unbalanced - which means they're completely nuts - much like toula's parents - only not as comically funny
  
• my parents own a restaurant [chinese - not greek] and like to tell stories of "back in the day..." or "when we were growing up..." blah blah blah
  

are we seeing the parallels here? i mean...shoot...you'd think they would be supporting me against the deranged that is my aunt and grandma, but no, they're totally tossing me to the pimps...i mean...to them. i mean...where's the love and parental support here?!? seriously...this is why i have issues...who wouldn't with a family like this? talk about the years of damage... eesh. and people wonder why i'm such a spaz...you'd be a spaz too if you had this fam - though i love my parents anyway of course.

ok...moving on...

i got the scorpion king [courtesy of chong - thank you very much]. very cool - considering it's one of those no brain/no thinking cheesy-fun movies - plus it has the rock - way fun-fun. wahoo. :)

hmm...i was browsing online and stumbled across a list of phobias, listed by alphabetical order. anyway, it has names for all these random fears, like fear of bald people, or the fear of wax figures - odd stuff like that, though on some of them, it seems like they just tacked on "phobia" to a random prefix to make up a phobia. but in all those phobias, i didn't see one for the fear of taking a risk[s]. i've been forming a conclusion that i suffer from the fear of taking a risk...but behind that is probably the fear of failure or something psychological like that. and behind that, the root of it, it probably stemming from not fully trusting in God.

where is all this coming from? i'm not quite sure. maybe it's because i turned 22 today and because i finished my first week of my senior year. i'm graduating college and i feel like though i've done a lot, i might have skipped out on some things because i wasn't willing to trust God and take a risk. hrm. ok...so...being a new year marking the day i was delivered from the womb :) i decided that i'm going to stop doing what i always do - not doing the freedom thing due to fear or some other lame-o reason - you know...all that stuff they teach you at church or fellowship or whatever about being free. i think that definitely, i've carried junk from previous experience or whatever that's kept me from living the wild and abandoned and full life that is in Christ - so...i guess...here i go...

i finished my second day of class, so by now, i've gone to all 4 of my classes. tuesdays and thursday will most definitely be my phatty long days - with work in the morning for 1.5 hours and then 6 hours of class...6! it does go by quicker than i would've thought, but by the time i get home, i have time to eat dinner, and then start homework. eesh...i have this feeling that i might have taken up more than i can handle with 18 credits, but we'll see. and in addition to the classes, there's law lib work and issaquah work too...which amounts to like 20 hours a week i think. i know tons of other people work part-time and go to school full time but i don't think i can hang with the big kids on this one. i predict burnout.

on the different note, i was sitting in my spanish intro to literary studies class today and our prof was taking roll, and he called out "coralie...coralie...?" i was like "!!!" cora would've been in my class! bummer that she's not because it would've been so much fun! *sigh* although i feel like i've been introduced to too many people in the last 2 days - mostly froshie kids. i'm totally borderline introvert/extrovert and while i'm totally ok with the meeting of new people and holding conversation for however long [because i'm talented like that], i still relish the escape into smaller people settings. i wonder when large groups of people started to make me wish for alone time in my room...with the door closed. i'm thinking - i'm totally meant to be a recluse.

eeeeeee - i start school in the morning. i'm a senior! ok...technically, i've been classified as senior standing for a few quarters now, but i'm starting my last year!!! that means, by june, i'll be a college grad! aiya!!!

did i mention that i got back from canada earlier this evening? :)

my whole sleeping pattern is out of sync so i'm still awake. anywho, hong kong was incredibly humid, and toss in tons of people on the streets, and it makes for a not so comfortable outting each day. but i got to go to street market things and buy cheap, but often somewhat useless stuff. i got cell phone faceplates, vcds, and a cute paul frank monkey bag. i did indulge in yummy dim sum and other good chinese food. oh, and i went to this peninsula place - it's not a real peninsula but a buildling/complex named the peninsula plaza or something like that. anyway, it's this plaza that has designer stores like chanel, salvatore ferragamo, and minolo blahnik, etc and the dining area has afternoon tea in the british tradition. so my dad and i had afternoon tea. haha...it reminded me of when gene hackman and gwyneth paltrow go and have a tea party in the royal tenenbaums, except without the hostility. :)

after a couple of days, we went to taipei and spent the rest of the week there. it included more shopping at the many night markets and stuff. the area where we stayed was right around where my parents went to college...so i heard a lot of "in college this is where mom and i went...blah blah blah" from my dad. we also had dinner with some of his friends and stuff, and that was alright. i spent the evening sitting quietly hoping no one would ask me anything. they kept calling me "mei mei" and the term for "little friend" which pretty much means child/kid. yea...the whole time i was there i felt like i was 6 years old. ah well.

clothes shopping was interesting. apparently all their "normal" sizes are like the petite/massively small sizes here. plus, apparently they like to wear their pants butt-tight - so bottoms were out, but the shirts and tops were ok. they still have esprit there and they were having an end of season sale so i picked up 2 skirts and 2 shirts for under $9! the bummer was that shoes over there don't fit me. my monstrously huge feet can't fit the biggest size shoe they have. one lady tried to convince me that the shoe will stretch out - my toes were curled up at the toe of the shoe and didn't have room to flatten out at all. she really wanted me the buy the shoes.

so aside from being accosted at the night markets by the overwhelming amount of shoppers and vendors vehemently trying to sell their wares, shopping was a bucket of fun.

i'm back and alive! praise the Lord! i need to adjust to the whole time zone thing... more about my trip in the morning :)

i'm currently sitting in the lounge of china airlines at the taipei airport. it's pretty darn cool. they have humbaos and a mini-frig with lots of juices and stuff. and...best of all, internet access! yahoo! yesterday, i spent the day in sf and hung out with cora for the afternoon. she showed me around the berkeley campus and i got to see her mom and her house too. it was pretty fun. later in the evening, i had dinner with my dad's side of the family and occupied my 6 year old cousin catrina. we flew out around 1am and i immediately went to sleep for like 12 hours. i'm not a big fan of flying, but as long as i can sleep the whole time, i'm ok. :) in a few hours i'll be in hong kong and hopefully get to take a shower...i feel gross. i have that "i've been flying for days and i'm grimy" feel. ick.

it rained today. i was getting into my car earlier this evening and it had just started to drizzle, and there was this really great fresh rain smell in the air. i just stood there next to the car and just breathed it in. it always baffles me a little bit how certain smells can bring up precise memories and emotions. i remember there was this one time when i was walking out the back of lander hall and it was toward the end of the school year, around 9pm so it was still a bit light outside, and everything about that moment reminded me of standing outside of my house as a little kid. anywho...that's my example of smell and memory association. yea...so it rained and i got in my car and went to target. :)

i was thinking earlier today that i don't think i've found my niche quite yet. i've had a lot of time to think about many things lately, and that's one of the thoughts that's been bouncing around. my life feels like it doesn't quite fit. it's not that i don't feel like i fit in the places i am, but i just have this sense that my niche is out there and i just haven't gotten a hold of it just yet. hmm...stuff to ponder.

in the morning i'm off to san fran for the day to hang out with cora in her 'hood and then it's off to taiwan around midnight. it should be interesting. it's like a week with just my dad - i wonder what we'll talk about.

last night i went to watch my little brother's jv football game against southridge high school. sunset totally won - 28 to 14. i watched andy take down the guy with the ball in the 2nd or 3rd quarter...yay! it was actually pretty fun. i try to make it to at least one game each year before i leave for school or something, especially since my parents never go.

i was driving home earlier tonight and i was thinking about how surprisingly well-adjusted the 3 of us are - considering our parents. our parents are great - definitely providing for us, etc. it just would have been nice if they actually participated in our lives - in things like showing up at our sports games. i mean...they actually asked me if they needed to be at my high school graduation. it's not that they don't care, i don't think. they want us to get into good colleges, get good jobs, marry great people, etc, etc - but sometimes i feel like they expect all these things, but they don't want to be involved. for example, my parents wanted me to play the piano and they went to all my recitals, up until i could drive myself to them - then they stopped showing up. it used to bother me slightly, but after awhile, it stops mattering...but i wish so much for mike and andy that it would've been different.

i was sitting in those bleachers yesterday and surrounded by parents and friends of the kids on the team. i saw a mom who had like 3 photo buttons of kids on the team. i saw dads cheering when their kid did something noteworthy. it just makes me sad that my parents can't...maybe won't...spend 3 hours once a week to watch their son do something that he loves so much.

eh. on the upshot, i found out that on my way to taiwan with my dad, we get to spend the day in san francisco on tuesday! yay! hopefully cora won't be too busy - yay! i get to visit her!

i just watched the funniest game of monopoly played out until the bank was down to a single $5 bill and like twenty $1 bills. ok gil...girl you rock. too funny. she was kickin' butt - so much so that she started to closely resemble one mr. montgomery burns and she also acquired an eerie cackle.

since my last rant about my mom's hawk-like gaze, i've decided to venture out...just leave - but too bad it's while she's at work so it's not really that gutsy. *sigh* anyway...i went and spent some time with my friend jessica [one of the handful of non-asian friends that i have left in this world - i super miss diverse people!] :) anywho...we had a good time catching up and hanging out. it was a bit of a throwback to high school and when we used to work at the dry cleaners...how we'd just make fun of each other and laugh - all in a very loving manner of course :)

it feels good to leave the house and just be out. i'm thinking tomorrow...i'm going to resume the target/best buy/costco thing i usually do back in seattle. wahoo! or as garrett would say "wh00t" haha.

maybe it's the medication i'm on that's been making me feel listless and tired...or maybe it's being home. i still can't explain what phenomena causes me to revert to a complete lump every time i'm home. when i'm in seattle/school, i'm totally productive - i do laundry, clean, cook, read, do crafty things, go out to the park, target, costco, make efforts to hang out with people...etc. but for some inexplicable reason, i do none of those things when i'm here at home. i have no real desire to venture out. i'm content to sit at home and putter around. or maybe i just don't want to bother with explaining to my mom where i'm going all the time. i go to target or the bookstore for no reason and to my mom, it just sounds ridiculous. i went to the Bales last night to buy more soft foods like pudding and yogurt and took a detour to hollywood video, where they were having their 4 vhs movies for $20 sale. :) i know...fun, huh? of course...i got caught up wandering around for a super long time because i couldn't just pick any 4 movies...i wanted to pick 4 i would watch more than once. when i got home, my mom was freakin' out and going on about how she was worried...etc...

ok, let's get some facts straight:

• i live in portland - not ne, totally and completely westside
  
• my whole neighborhood and surrounding community is so suburban some people would hurl.
  
• i have a cell phone. if she was really that worried, she could've called.
  
• i'm a 4th year college student - granted i feel very un-adult and more like a kid - but still, do i really need to report in for a detour to the stinkin' video store?!?
  

ok...i'm done now.

monday was spent driving back home and then hanging out with my former roommates and some seattle people. it was a much less stressful event than canada was...probably because i had an escape route [aka my own empty car]. it was fun...i got to eat lebanese food at a "hole in the wall" place in ne portland and then had dessert at papa haydn's, at their new eastside location.

yesterday was a blur. i woke up at 9am to have my 4 wisdom teeth pulled at 10am. i remember sitting in the chair and having my blood pressure and temperature taken as well as getting an iv in my left arm. i even recall the nurse sticking the "sleepy medicine" into the iv thing. and the next thing i know, i'm in recovery all puffy and swollen. my cheeks are totally puffed up...i look like minnie driver...or luke wilson...all square big jaw-like. i'm confined to eating liquidy-soft foods, which sucks, especially when my brother is sitting across the table from me gnawing on beef ribs... i feel like homer after the forbidden donut... so basically, all of yesterday was spent sleeping. hmm...maybe i should take another percocet... :)

when worlds collide...

i went to canada today with 9 other people, so a total of 2 cars doing the caravan thing across the border. we got a bit of a later start than originally planned and also had to deal with a lame-o rock shard that busted the tire of the other car - so we didn't get to canada until 4pm...yes...4pm...and we left a little bit before noon. i felt like gilligan...what was supposed to be like 2 hours, etc. but we made it through the border with no fuss at all, and the patrol man was super friendly and nice. we drove through vancouver traffic [which totally sucks since everything feels like local roads] and arrived at granville island before 5pm - at which point there was a forum about where to eat dinner.

i think i was already irked by the traffic and the length of time it took to get to canada so when neither of my worlds really wanted to eat where the others wanted to eat...i felt trapped...but only sort of. i super wanted to spend time with chris - and it was looking like i was only going to see her for that brief 15 minutes at granville island since not everyone was up for eating at shabusen's. i'll admit it - i wanted my way and i was being bratty about it. i drove when i didn't really want to, i even left later than i wanted to, i decided not to stay overnight until tomorrow, and after all that, it looked like i wasn't even going to get to do the one thing i went to canada for - namely to hang out with chris. i was in a foul mood. i had no desire to concede and take a hit for the team, but i was going to grudgingly do so, but turns out a compromise was struck - yippee. i feel a little bad that i was so totally anal-retentive, but then again...i drove for like 7 hours today and i'm super tired so i feel slightly justified.

my solution to preventing this situation from ever repeating itself : go by myself. maybe it's just because the novelty of canada has worn off for me so there isn't really anything besides eating there that i feel is a "must do" - which of course isn't the same for everyone. bah...maybe i'm feeling like carry-over pms...

i'm trying to imagine how dave must feel. if i'm tired, he must be pooped from trying to coordinate 3 worlds of friends. for once...i agree with abe. how weird is that? anyway, it was a fun trip - despite my own anal-retentive nature. i think the car games of "6 degrees of kevin bacon" and playing the "pseudo-loaded questions" were big fun.

the last couple of days have been busy...sort of. on tuesday i spent 3 hours wandering around target, purchasing a bunch of little things like sponges, shelf/drawer liners, trash can, etc for my new room. oh...and i bought a new showerhead...but unfortunately, somewhere between the target parking lot and my room, i lost it. so i've spent the last 3 days looking for it when i had time. anywho...we [grace, joe, and the gang] all had dinner at OSF and then played at my new house afterwards - watching american idol. :)

wednesday - easy-going morning/afternoon and bowling fun at leilani lanes in the evening. i was a total homemaker - didn't even break 100! boo. yesterday was filled with more cleaning, only this time helping out the boys of 105. it was funny because when i walked in, i saw a shirtless abe, and as i turned to avoid looking at him, i find shirtless garrett, and as i turn to avoid again, it's shirtless noah. ack. and even funnier is that shiv was in the apt. with 3 half-naked boys. ;) haha... after cleaning, abe and gar used the change machine and got like $30 and treated us to dinner on the ave at the hawaii bbq place. yummy stuff! afterwards, i moved some of abe's stuff over to noah's basement and then headed over to amy's, where we played "pounce" - so much fun!!!

earlier this evening, i went to the mariners game against kansas city. it sucked. kansas city won like 5 to 1. this is only my third mariners game ever, but 2 out of 3 times i've been there they've lost - to not-so-great teams. stinkin'. the best game was my first one...it was amy and june's birthday and the mariners were playing against the texas rangers [april 2001] and it was sort of soon after the whole a-rod/pay-rod thing and the crowd seriously booed a-rod. people even had a whole bunch of paper monopoly-type money that they threw down onto the field. there was some hardcore bitterness/anger/extreme dislike directed toward a-rod. shoot...i know he's getting like millions upon millions of dollars...but if i were him...i think that would still hurt a little inside. :'( [man tear] anywho...that was one crazy game where mariners totally won and a-rod sucked it up big time. yahoo! if only today's game was like that one. *sigh*

i love God's timing. as friends leave, friends come back to visit too. :) like i said earlier, butt-loads of people are moving away, but just in time to cure my blues, grace is back to visit for a week and then i'm off to portland for like a month to play with family and friends. i definitely feel so much better. i think in part because i'm adjusting to all the small changes that my little life has gone through over the last few days. i think my last sad moment was last night when i went to say bye to cora. it was all good, and then she started crying and then i started getting all teary-eyed, and then it was a bit of a mess. i'm super bummed that she won't be around this next year - so cora if you're reading this, i miss you already - my target/best buy/shopping/eating/movie buddy!!! :) i can't wait for you to visit...even if it's not until the end of october. hooray for cell phones, aim, and e-mail!

well, now that grace is back, i finally got to meet her BOYFRIEND joe! he's way cool, and pretty much how i pictured him to be. plus, he totally reminds me of my brother mike...i think it's the height and the eyes...they're small eyes that disappear when smiling - so like my brother. course...he's way more social than my brother...good thing since grace is a social butterfly :) it's so awesome to have her back, even if it's only for a little while.

with everyone off to different places, it makes me wonder about myself. where will i be next year? i have no idea. i suppose i could be staying in seattle...or going home to portland...or heading to a totally new place. i'm not big on change...but i'm sure that's apparent by now - but maybe all these small changes are just helping me prepare for bigger changes later on...

on a totally different note - i'm out of my apartment and moved into my new place! i haven't done the final walk-through with the managers yet, but that's just a small thing. i've been slowly unpacking my stuff and setting up my room to make it comfy and fun. it's crazy...because there is just so much stuff that i've accumulated over the last few years. i can't seem to throw anything away...especially not old old letters, cards, notes, etc. and of course my books, photos, movies...i have a hard time believing that i somehow fit all my junk into a room that is half the size of my new room. i must have seriously maximized my space - something i'll probably never be able to do again. :) unpacking is a hassle, but it's fun at the same time - especially when i come across something like an old photo or letter, which causes me to stop and paw through my box of old photos and letters and lightly reminisce about my not-so-distant childhood. fun fun.

i was feeling blue earlier, and i ended up taking a nap. maybe it was a combination of everyone leaving and being tired from moving and cleaning non-stop over the last week. i'm just exhausted. i'm currently trying to find this game called lemonade, inc for my computer. i played it on my cousin stuart's ipaq and it is so much fun! i'm hoping that it'll cheer me up.

it's sunday afternoon, and my roommate naomi just left. she might stop by later tonight, but tomorrow, she's off to portland. the apartments are emptying out quick. dave moved out yesterday around lunchtime with his Bible study boys. abe's stuff is slowly moving to bellevue. ryan is currently packing up his stuff and hauling it to his condo. garrett is pretty much moved out back home to renton, though there is still pieces of wayward furniture. cora's stuff is all moved to storage at noah's, and everything else is getting dumped on wilbur. :) shiv is already moved into kristie's and spent her first night there already. though i'm glad to be moving into a super cute and comfy house, i'm so going to miss the fun dorm atmosphere that the apartments have been.

i dunno...maybe it's good that i'll be headed home to portland next week. get to leave seattle for a bit and work through the change that moving seems to bring. bah. i don't even know what to do with myself. i suppose i should move the rest of my stuff, like my tv, frig, plastic storage bins, etc... but i just don't feel like dealing with it today. :'(

it's been about a week since my last blog update. it seems like so much has happened. last thursday, the 15th, i left for a jr. high camp, warm beach. i was a counselor to seven 8th and 9th grade girls. prior to leaving, i was afraid that i wouldn't make it back. i had this irrational fear that they were going to be the death of me, but i'm glad i was wrong. the girls were wonderful - it's so strange to think that i was 13/14 once. it's funny because they're not quite children, and definitely nowhere near being adults. so they are exposed to the things in this world, and at the same time, they still have this innocence/child-like quality about them. jr. highers crack me up. :)

we all got back on sunday afternoon, which left only a few hours to prep for the ultimate farewell bash at cbc. ryan made a very funny game called "hallway of shame" an apparent spin off of "wheel of pain." too funny. [pictures will follow soon.] anyway, it was nice to get together, eat food, laugh a lot, and take pictures!

the rest of this past week has been filled with the last week of classes, running errands, being busy, and packing up and moving. it's kind of sad. last night when i went to sleep, and even when i woke up this morning, our apartment still had the furniture in the living room. but when i got back from my finals, it was like we'd been robbed. all the stuff that's been here this past year is gone. it's so strange to look at the emptiness of this place. it's even weirder to watch everybody else move out too. so i joined in the packing up fun and hauled two car loads of stuff over to kristie's place. *sigh* i'm seriously going to miss the people i've lived around for the last year. who knew that in such a short time, relative to how long everyone else has lived near each other, that so many people would have found a spot in my heart. i get the whole "saudades" thing. it's a portuguese word meaning "missing, longing, etc" it's hard to explain, but you know it when you feel it, and i'm starting to feel it.

i know that change is good. but it still makes me sad to see people go. it sort of just hit me that jermaine isn't coming back. she left for california early this morning. i'm sure she'll visit and stuff, but this move is permanent. david's permanent move will probably hit me once he's actually off to foreign soil - canada. jen and naomi are going to portland, but the chances of them coming back is pretty good, plus, it's where home is, so i'm sure i'll get to see them often enough.

basically...i'm feeling a little blue.

so as i mentioned earlier, i've been given a bit of a slap to the head. so like, we all have our dreams and things that we want - things that we think will make us super happy. since i was 8 years old, i've had one dream. now i'm 21, and that one dream is still the thing that i want most in the world. over the last couple of months, God has slowly been showing me some things about my life. it started a little bit before Co-Hi, but it was Co-Hi itself and the aftermath that helped me see what i'd been missing all along. i haven't yet fully let God be more than enough for me. basically, i haven't let him be everything to me. instead, i've got all these other obstructions in the path between me and God and i'm just beginning to realize how i need to clear that out.

so, back to my one big dream. as much as i want that dream, and as much as i believe that it would make me incredibly happy, i'm learning that until i let that go, i can't receive any of the things that are thousands of times better than the small dream that i came up with. it's so hard for me to even fathom something that could be better than my little dream, but there's this knowledge of something greater - once i open up the kung fu death-grip i have on my dream. i was in bed last night, before drifting off to sleep, asking God to help me let go of something i've wanted for the last 13 or so years of my life - and it was one of the harder things i've had to do. [i have issues letting things go, just so you know.]

i heard a friend say that the more in tune you are with God, the things that you want will only be what God wants - so all the things that you used to want for yourself will be replaced by infinitely better things that God desires for your life. in short, all you'll want is what He wants for you. isn't that great? i know i'm not there yet, but i want to be, even if i'm unsure of what to expect of the things that He wants for me. did i mention that i also have trust issues? when i find myself worrying and being consumed by the "what ifs" in the face of the unknown abyss known as my future, i realize that i'm not trusting God with my life. i'm a major work-in-progress. straight up - [under construction]

i eventually got around to studying last night, but not before more time was wasted. :) i watched a segment of the passion one day dvd - with john piper. his message, his words, really hit me. God has been trying to tell me something for such a long time and it all sort of came together in the wee hours of this morning. i'm still mulling it over...

i watched XXX today - no, not a porn movie, but the mindless action fun fest with vin diesel. it was completely ridiculous on many levels, but that's what made it fun to watch. my friend ryan once said to me: "you'd be such a cool boy." hmm. i guess i'm not the typical girl...i love traditionally categorized "guy" movies.

right now, i should be studying for my midterm in the morning. i should've been studying all day instead of playing around and goofing off. yea, i have no desire whatsoever to study or read or go over my notes. i'm thinking that i'm starting to get that thing people call "senioritis" where i just don't want to do anything remotely related to school anymore. oh look, time for a break :)

i almost forgot! i saw this hilarious movie - my big fat greek wedding - over the weekend. it's a must see. yes...it's a bit of a "chick flick" but there were tons of guys in the audience and they were laughing a lot. while i was watching it, i had major empathy for the main character, toula. granted, my family isn't greek, but they're still pretty whacked out [but of course i still love them]. everyone should see this movie...i liked it so much that i'd see it again! :)

i went home to portland this past weekend to celebrate my grandma's 88th birthday [crazy, no?] and also to see my cousins visiting from the east coast [boston and jersey]. my grandma's birthday is always this huge event and all the family flies in, no matter where they are, because this is the only time of the year where all of my mom's side of the family is in one place.

right...so...i go home...and the most frequently asked question by both family and friends is this: "do you have a boyfriend?" followed closely by this: "when are you going to get a boyfriend?" ok...correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm 21...still young, right? and i'm totally going to rant right now because there's something i don't understand. when did not having a boyfriend become something akin to having a disease or disorder? i had one friend ask me this: "when was the last time you liked a guy?" [said in a way that made it seem as if me liking a guy was a totally improbable idea] did i want to smack him? yes. did i actually do it? no - i restrained myself. just because i don't happen to be a "serial dater" or talk about wanting to date, doesn't mean that i have no interest, ya know what i'm saying? a lot of my guy friends seem to think that because i don't talk about guys that i have an interest in, that it automatically means i don't like guys. let me spell it out: i like guys. i just don't find it necessary to tell people when i do - i think it's because the whole deal is that important to me and plus, i'm kind of shy about it [i know...me...shy...go figure]. so, there you have it.

i finally caved in and got myself a blog. i wonder if this will make me less of an anger-ball...with the whole creative outlet blah-blah-blah thing... i suppose that remains to be seen.